shutupandcode.net

You ever sit down, think about existence,  and just be baffled? Given our impending doom from the Large Hadron Reactor, I set myself to sitting down and getting a bit “punch drunk” from the insanity of our existence. And here is what I found.

A.) The act of observing (measuring) our world, creates things. (Measurement problem)

B.) The act of supposition creates outcomes, real or fantasy they all become the same.

There are actually scientific experiments to identify these quandaries. For example the first point, by mere observation we effect the outcome. A classic example is Schrodingers cat.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double-slit_experiment

Best Artical

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_choice_quantum_eraser

In short, through the double split test we observe a violation in causality. Such that, in quantum entanglement, information from one source is transmitted faster than the speed of light to it’s partner sourc.

In the process what they have learned is that by constraining the path taken by one of a pair of entangled photons they inevitably control the path taken by the partner photon, and that by permitting the partner photon the opportunity to take two paths so constructed that they will permit that photon to interfere with itself they then find the first photon will behave in a way consistent with its having interfered with itself —- even though there is no double-slit device in its way.

More friendly test of causality violations

http://www.physorg.com/news132830327.html

More advanced reading:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_entanglement

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bell_test_experiments

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary%27s_room

Imagine your on a project, this project’s deadline is your health. You get a fever, the project gets a fever, you get sick the project gets sick, you get the general idea. You are now disusing the status of meeting your objectives and deadlines with your manager(s). Things are not looking too good, and your in pretty bad shape.

Right about now you are sitting there with one of your arms cut off (bureaucracy), an eye on the verge of retinal detachment (lack of strategic vision/requirements), and a slight headache (you drank last night). Your manager is your triage nurse, making sure you come out of this alive and well. Because alive and well looks better on paper than horribly dead.

So your nurse looks up, and says, “Okay first thing is first, lets get that fever taken care of, we wouldn’t want you to get sick. ”

You ask, “Why my fever first!? My freak n’ arm is cut off I can’t do as much work to meet the deadlines, I only have one arm?!”

Triage Nurse - “We can mitigate that.”

You - “But it’s my bloody arm?!”

Nurse - “Listen…. All we need to do is go out and get another person to help you. We can just add another person and they will do what your left arm did. In-fact, by my calculations, you’ll actually have 1 extra arm. Given that you will have an extra arm, you should actually be done with your stuff in 1/2 the time.”

You - “But what about my eye?!”

Nurse - “Again, since we are adding this extra body, you’ll now have 2 eyes, plus a spare.”

You - “Wow, adding bodies can fix a lot of problems”

Nurse - “Yes. Now, onto that headache of yours.”

Well, here we go. A bunch of people i know came up with a brilliant idea about stuff us IT-folks say, and what we really mean when we say it. Anybody that has any additions just add a comment.

Temporary Solution

This is going to totally suck wind, or worse. We realize it, and accept that we will be lowering the quality of the product. We are not smart enough to really fix the problem, but we can get away with it.

Any statement that has the word “Kinda” or “Sorta” in it

I really don’t want to tell you whats going on because…

• You won’t like it.
• You won’t understand it
• I don’t even understand it.

Any statement that has the word “Technically” in it

I really…

• Feel you are wrong.
• Feel I need to talk.
• Don’t understand what you said, so I’m going to feign that I do and expand on your original statement.

“let me look into that”

I have no idea what is going on, but I don’t want you to know that.

“I’ll have to do some research”

• I really, really have no idea what is going on. Furthermore, it’s likely that I just told you we can’t do something, and I’m trying to explain why we can’t do what I just told you you can’t do and you just blew a hole in my argument why we can’t do it.
• I don’t have google next to me, so I can’t answer this question, can I borrow you’re computer?

Any sentence which contains “general requirements”

Person Making Statement is in the following character:

• We tried our best to come up with something that looks like or smells like requirements, but we failed, horribly.
• The existing system is so un-clear that I don’t actually know what it does.

Person receiving statement should:

• Realize the above and re-evaluate their mental condition, ensuring that they you will not driven over the edge for lack of mental state
• Buy copiousness amounts of whatever relieves your stress, illegal or otherwise.

Anyone with a notepad (the paper kind) in meeting room

I really felt like contributing so I brought some paper, just in case anyone needs it. In the mean time I’m going to doodle.

Anyone saying “Loosely Coupled”, “White Box”, “Black Box”, “Service Oriented”, “… Architecture …”, “… Framework …” more than once in a week.

“I provide no value and am dead weight.”

Could you update the “XYZ Spreadsheet”

“I don’t talk to you frequently and/or I don’t trust you. So, please update this spreadsheet so I know you did at least one thing this week.”

I am (insert any number between 90-99.9%) done. OR
I just need to do this one thing.

I will never be done, if you are asking me my status, I am already late. So i’m just gonna throw some number out there.

You see Trace(), Alert(), Debug()

This code smells bad, the person that wrote it has no idea what is going on.

Seamless

Whatever are the worst things that could happen, they will happen, over and over again.

Vendetta - an often prolonged series of retaliatory, vengeful, or hostile acts or exchange of such acts. Example: “waged a personal vendetta against those who opposed his nomination”

I know who you are, and I am asking you nicely to get beyond it.